First

This is something I need to do. I need to learn to love myself and let myself be. I’m an introvert. I’ve spent many years trying to not be, but I’ve always found a comfort in tea and books and quiet nights alone. It feels right, but I guess when you spend so much time being told that it is wrong it messes things up in your brain. I’m supposed to be social and go out amd have a vibrant social life and be the life of the party, right? I’ve never been very good at that and the mask is starting to crumble. I’m starting to crumble. I guess I am starting here because at least writing will force me to take that introspective moment. At least that moment of solitude.

One of my favorite parts of my day is riding the bus. I think I would do it even if I did have a car. For the most part I am unbothered and free to sit in my thoughts. Sometimes I read a book or play bejeweled on my phone. Sometimes I just sit for a half hour all to myself.

I have this lovely 3rd floor bedroom. I’m all tucked in the eaves up by myself. I can hear rain on the roof and it shakes a little when there is a strong storm. I love it. I also love having an entire floor to myself. It’s quieter that way, and the winding staircase is all mine. I’m beginning to cover it with stuff. Personalize it and claim my space. I didn’t have much when I moved in and sometimes I treat myself to little things here and there to make it mine. Most things are thrifted. I would like some floor pillows and poufs that I can set up in a little corner. Little cozy spot. I am moving my tv up there tonight, too. Never gonna leave my bed again. Lol.

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